The picture above is my mother, Gail Cantave. She passed away on April 25, 2015. She was fine the day before, walking, talking, laughing, and the next day she ceased to be.
This is the first time I’ve touched my blog since the spring of 2015, unfortunately. I’ve experienced a myriad of losses both personal and professional since the end of 2014, all of them completely unexpected.
We often think that we are in control of the course of our lives, and for the most part we do have a say-so in our journey, however, it is true or at least its true in my belief that we plot our course all day everyday, but it is the Lord that plans our steps. Same destination, but two completely different routes. One perceived to be guided by us, as if we control anything to begin with–and the other route through divine guidance. Everything I’m saying is relative, given the fact of whether or not you believe in a higher power, source, etc. that transcends what you can see and feel in the physical.
However, life is indeed a “thing” that is unpredictable, not easily understood, and something that can completely change for all of us overnight. There is so much that happens in our daily lives that is completely out of our control that it always beg’s the questions of, “Why? Why is this happening to me?”
I can’t begin to tell you how painful 2015 has been for me as I have experienced loss on a scale that I’ve never experienced in a one-year period ever in my life. I lost my mother in the spring, I was evicted from my property around the same time and I also had a vehicle repossessed around the same time. I lost a relationship during this same time period, and I also lost my grandfather just a few days ago. I’m not here to vent and complain about my troubles, but I am here to share my story which is something I haven’t done much of since the spring; my apologies to you. If you’ve been following this blog or started to follow this blog and have been wondering why I haven’t updated as of late, this is the reason why.
I’ve had so much transition since the 1st of this year that it’s been almost impossible for me to focus on my blogging business. Life has struck in the worse way possible and I’m finding it a challenge to rebound and re-focus. My mom’s death hit me very hard, and at a time when I was already hurt from other losses during the beginning part of the year. There have been 4 deaths of individuals that were very close to me within the first 8 months of 2015 including my mother. I find myself alone most days, thinking, praying, and plotting on the next move. Wondering “why” day in and day out, but it always points back to the creators promises and intentions for his children. I understand that God has a plan and in believing in him I also believe that all things are always working for my good. I believe in prayer and I believe that he is capable of giving us what we need, when we need it, and at the right time.
So through all of the struggles in 2015 I haven’t even thought about my blog presence since the spring. I’ve been in such a painful place over the months that’s its taken me some time to mentally get myself back in a place where I could write again. I’ve decided now, going into the fall, that I am finally ready to push through and and get myself back on track. As I work through a lot of mental blockage and pain I know that I have a purpose with all of this and at some point I have to work through it. I know there are many of you that can identify with my story and if you are going through a difficult time in your life when it seems that everything is falling apart, know this… You are not alone. Believe in something greater than yourself and understand you do not have any control over what happens outside of you, but you do control what happens on the inside!
On a brighter note I’ve finally begun completing my first book with the goal of it becoming a best-seller on Amazon! The book will be a memoir of sorts on my successful transition from the military to civilian life and will chronicle my life and journey through my IT career. I will also discuss love and past relationships as well as fatherhood and manhood. Both of which are topics that I am very passionate about as it pertains to men. My blog is also scheduled to be re-designed and launched by the spring of 2016. I’m taking my time with all of this because I want it all to be right. My message needs to be heard but it has to be done the right way.
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