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Does Blame Help you have Better Relationships?


Something that you may or may not know about me is that my background spans over 15 years in the IT industry. I have a very diverse background of experience in Electronics, Information Technology Management and Consulting, as well as Information Technology strategy and Internet Marketing. I’ve done this for a very long time and at the time of this writing I am a few weeks away from going back into the consulting field, but I also have another passion–motivation.

I believe my calling is in empowering other people to be there best and look beyond themselves in peering into the being that God designed and purposed them to be. I believe that as we’ve grown into adulthood we forget about our dreams and what makes us, well, us. My writings come from a personal space where my experiences are translated through my writings on my Blog. So although I have not began to talk much about my IT career, for now–let’s continue to uplift and empower one another!

So, today–blaming.

Why does placing the blame on another person for something that wrong between two people seem so convenient?

Blaming someone for your pain and frustration speaks to a persons lack of taking 100% responsibility for any given situation. It also speaks to a lower level of consciousness because in reality we create every circumstance, and every situation that occurs in our lives. We see blame as an out to helping massage our egos due to our lack of taking responsibility.

There are two things that you can guarantee in any given situation:

1) How you respond or react to a situation

2) What you allow

So many times we’ve allowed situations to persist for so long that we become numb to what is actually happening to us, OR we feel so un-empowered to do anything about it that we resort to our wishful thinking that something will change. Often times nothing changes, and when nothing changes the only alternative is for you to change.

A reaction that most people give when you’ve decided that you’ve had enough in a given situation is for them to emote anger or frustration to your response. When I say response it could be a response that doesn’t agree with how they believe you should respond. So for instance, a relationship that ends because of years of mis-treatment results in one party leaving the relationship. This is a response, and a response that most likely won’t be welcome by the other person.

It is the response that prompts the blame, and we all know that blame doesn’t resolve anything between two people. Blame does nothing for anyone, but help us feel better about what we think we did do right in a situation.

All blame is essentially a waste of time because no matter how much fault you find with another person, and how much you blame them for things that have went wrong, it will not change you nor will it give you what you truly want. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming them but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.

The positive change comes from growth and understanding who you are as a person. We also have to accept some basic principals as to what it means to successfully relate to other people in our lives. This extends outside of romantic relationships and marriages. Even with friends and co-workers we should always be seeking to own our part in things that go wrong in our relationships.

The next time you find the impulse to blame someone for something, look within, recognize where you went wrong, and accept the circumstances as is. Then make a wholehearted and honest attempt to make right the wrongs. You should always do your best to make amends with another person in any given situation, but if forgiveness and reconciliation does not solve the issue just know that your taking responsibility and removing the blame as part of your process is at the end of the day, your best!

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.”

– Wayne Dyer, Coauthor of How to Get What You Really, Really, Really, Really, Want

Stay in Love, and Peace


Read my latest post: Why Men should Embrace Honest Acceptance in Relationships with Women #EmpoweringMen #CantaveTalk

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