5 Things to Know About Romance if You’re Over 40
This is a guest post from Gee S TheMatchmaker. You can find her online or on Facebook or Instagram.
As a proud Generation Xer, I often feel we don’t get enough credit for our contribution to society, for Christ sake we gave the “World” Hip Hop!
Yes that came from US.
We are the quintessential cool kids. At the beautiful age of 40, Generation X is still relevant. Unlike our; baby booming, silent parents, we didn’t lose our spot. {Or} The painstakingly ambitious apathetic millennial generation, we actually remember how to engage and “speak”.
So how could such a hip and intelligent group of progressives not understand romance?
Well, it could be because we were so focused on having “MORE” (can’t forget Reaganomics) that love and romance seemed like a distraction (less).
Gee S TheMatchMaker, Operational Director for Paul C. Brunson Matchmaking agency
Who needs “love” when you can have a beautiful single family home paid off, with two rental properties and BMW to boot?
Who needs “love” when I have already birth the perfect child (and can raise him my way)?
Who needs “love” when I can travel the globe with little to no notice?
Who needs “love” when you’ve achieved so many individual goals from education to career, with no one next to you every night rubbing your shoulders and telling you to keep going?
I get it, I was it!
Now, I am concerned for my love confused sisters and brothers. As I too appreciate treating myself to a new Louis Vuitton after a hard days work. But I learned through personal experience and professional research that Billy Dee wasn’t lying:
“Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with.”
So after re-watching one of my favorite movies and having yet “another” ill-informed (ignorant is too strong) session with a client, I decided to share what I’ve learned about romance if you are; dating, in a relationship or just hooking up at 40+. I am sure many will either agree with most or challenge a few but either way, I hope my awesome middle-ageders start to re-think, where love falls in their life TODAY!
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High School is OVER: I f you are still the mean spirited GIRL walking around with the prom queen crown or the socially awkward BOY who still resents all the girls who DISSED you back then….GET OVER IT and GET THERAPY! Just because you were the bomb or the nerd THEN, who are you NOW?
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40 is not always the NEW 20: Evolve your social circle and interests. Seriously, I think about my old stomping ground at 20 something (the Classics night club was a part of my weekly schedule). I had so much fun; dancing, drinking and eating (free buffets were so good) without a care in the world. I also met some good, bad and FUGLY men! At FORTY, you shouldn’t be seen at the same SPOT every week?! You bought the expensive house for a reason, host dinner parties and tell your dynamic friends to bring some of their “dynamic” single friends (one for you) . You have all this money in the bank, but still date and HOOK UP with the same kind of person, that leads nowhere, seek professional help (you can afford it), as maybe there is a systemic reason you haven’t been able to broaden your romantic options.
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YO “Child” should not be your BFF: Do I really need to explain? Just because you have an “adult” child, does not mean we should be hanging together like BESTIES. Even if your child is mature and well-rounded, they are still YO child. You should be modeling for them, not vice versa. And for those who have minor children, that you are using to absorb your lack of a social life, by signing them up for EVERY; sports team, dance company or acting class, so you can be the IT parent; JUST STOP IT! Join a Meet Up group for ADULTS stop hiding behind your role as a SUPER parent.
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Stop looking at BEE n JAY as your relationship model: You don’t know Bee or Jay, Michelle or Barack. At 40+ you should know better than to compare your love to anyone else. Stop thinking; “I bet she feeds him strawberries, while singing on HIS mic” or “I bet he rubs her feet at night, and listens when she has problems” Come on now, SERIOUSLY if you are married or been in a long term committed relationship for over five years (at 40+), you don’t subscribe to media interpretations of love. Remember WE created a whole CULTURE. We are innovators who don’t look to the left or right for answers, we create a lane. “Us” is not “Them”
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Pessimism is so 80’s: There is nothing worst than a 40+ HATER! If you are a miserable individual no wonder you are not a part of “team”. Stop throwing “shade” at your friends and family who seemingly have healthy relationships, enjoy dating or have a satisfying sex life. Be happy for others in different stages of romance, stop judging. If you don’t agree with some of their social activities or media posts, you don’t always have to respond. A simple “head nod” showing support, came from Generation X too:)
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